I bet he comes in French.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So much rum. So many feels.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
