yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
