Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
