Whod you bang
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
