I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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