you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
