She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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