Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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