She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
