I didn't shave. On purpose
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
