dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
ugly people sure do ruin things
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
