'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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