a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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