So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
