easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
