Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
