I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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