so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
