Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
