the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
