God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's intense
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
