A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
