Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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