I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize