Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
