I think I died a long time ago.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
