Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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