I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize