oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
