Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I supernannyed him into submission
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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