quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
