I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
