He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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