It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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