and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
