The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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