i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
