Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize