Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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