my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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