Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
