omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
