so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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