I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
