yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize