i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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