I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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