No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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