He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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