walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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