If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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