Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
