So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Are my feet made of real feet?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
