your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
