I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
