Kiss
Puke
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
