i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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