Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
