Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
