Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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