I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
