i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
