I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
