Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
