jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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