I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
