I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
