Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
organizing the empties. That sober.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
