I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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