party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
