so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Houston, we have a squirter
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
