Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize