I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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