Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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