When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
