I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
