I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
