Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
