Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
