people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
