This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
